If you enjoyed my article Why Women Lie About Shopping, you might as well enjoy this guest post by Benjamin Miller about shopping debacles … from a man’s point of view.
As Christmas nears, and the love for humans and family alike grow, we have decided to help all of those people out there who seem to have spent a little too much money – on themselves! Our handy dandy Christmas list is sure to be on everybody’s wish list! With no further ado we list the “Top Seven excuses to use when you made a huge purchase without your partners consent and are tying to make up for it by making an awesome excuse so you don’t have to sleep on the couch!”
7) Buying this will help our relationship! True for about the first three seconds until it hits them that you just spent the entire Christmas money on a Play Station, WII and a flat screen TV all in one day. Try to come up with a nice explanation as to how you can spend more time together, or better yet, have less time together!
6) You will use it as well! About 90% of the time your spouse will hound you for buying the (insert large item here) only to use it themselves! Explain this simple rule from the get go and you can throw it in their faces every time they bring it up.
5) I asked you weeks ago! In all honesty, you didn’t ask them weeks ago, and you probably decided to buy it once you walked into the store. However, good news for you, they probably don’t even remember what you told them a day ago let alone a few weeks. For better effect, use an exact date like October 12th.
4) What purchase, I don’t see any (insert large object here). This is the obvious bluff move here. Pretend you don’t see it, buy it, or have used it, all at the same time asking your significant other to move so that you can play with the (insert large object here).
3) But it was only (reduce actual price by 43%)! This will only work if you draw a big 43% off sign and place it in a very conspicuous place on the (insert large object here). If they believe you then you deserve to have bought it in the first place!
2) Because I wanted it! Before ducking from the obvious oncoming slap from your partner, enjoy in solace the fact that you stood up for yourself. The best news is that you can make a little fort out of the couch pillow for the next week.
1) I love you sweetie pie! Could be combined with flowers, chocolate or other affectionate items. This will only work for a short period of time, so make sure you get as much use out of the item as possible. By that time you won’t care if you have to sleep on the couch because you have already got copious amounts of joy out of your item!
BONUS: Don’t tell them – This is the obvious choice for anybody. Just don’t tell your significant other and if they ask about it, simply change the subject. I recommend complimenting them on their hair or how well they look. This only works if they have cut their hair, but for most men their spouses will notice that they tried and forgive them for not noticing for the past 4 months.
There you have it, our awesome “Top Seven excuses to use when you made a huge purchase without your partners consent and are tying to make up for it by making an awesome excuse so you don’t have to sleep on the couch!” for 2010!
You can find more interesting, funny and informative articles, top seven lists, survival guides and much more over at www.garbagefilter.com.