Category Archives: Talk It Out

Talk It Out: Run and Don’t Look Back

Welcome to Talk It Out. It finally arrived!

One of my readers wrote me a while ago, as soon as I introduced the Talk It Out column. I followed up with her to see if the situation she found herself in remained unchanged. Unfortunately for my reader nothing has changed. Fortunately for me, I can feature her in my first Talk It Out.

She chose to remain anonymous, so I had to change her name. I did put some of my remarks in italics. I just couldn’t help but say something before I even got a chance to discuss it!

Background: Lisa has been living with a guy, I’ll call him Bob, for the last 3 years. He is in his early thirties. She is in her late twenties. Lisa thinks that Bob is “a good man, caring, loving, fun.” But Bob is really bad with money. In spite of this flaw, Lisa was considering to marry him until… well… until this tax season.

How Bob manages money: he doesn’t own a credit card because in the past, according to Bob, he had a really bad experience with a student loan that screwed up his credit score. Bob has no savings and lives paycheck to paycheck but somehow always finds money to buy video games.

He refuses to come up with a budget. He doesn’t allow Lisa to pull his credit report and “barks” at her if she brings it up. He has an outstanding dentist bill that he doesn’t pay because, according to Bob, his dentist screwed it up (Really Bob? Your life seems so “unfair.” It is never your fault, isn‘t it?) Finally, he owes $2,000 in back taxes.

Lisa and Bob keep their money in separate accounts (Thank God! I am a joint account proponent but in this situation who would think differently? Anyone?)

Situation: Lisa has done her taxes and found out that she is getting $2,000 back. Then she proceeded to do Bob’s taxes, and it appeared that Bob owes $500 (ouch). She researched what could have possibly caused it, and found out that Bob never changed his federal and state exemptions from 3 to 0. She asked him to do it last year when he also ended up owing taxes. He never did!

Bob doesn’t have money to pay the taxes he owes.

Lisa got sick and tired (finally!) of Bob’s unwillingness to change his attitude towards finances, and told Bob that if he doesn’t change by the end of this year, she will leave him. Meanwhile she is wondering if she was too tough on him, and if she should pay his outstanding back taxes from her tax refund and savings.

Aloysa’s Talking It Out: Let me make it clear:

– the guy refuses to make a budget,

– he doesn’t let you to pull his credit report,

– he has no savings,

– he doesn’t pay bills because he thinks he doesn’t need to,

AND (as I see it,)

– he refuses to change

AND

you are going to stay with him till the end of the year?

What is wrong with you, Lisa? Love can be blind but to what extend?

Don’t pay his bills, please don’t. His bills are his responsibilities (and he doesn’t like to take upon any of them.) By paying his bills you are not helping him to achieve anything or start from a clean page. You are helping him to pay for more video games!

You have been living together for three years, and he has not change anything for you. What makes you believe that he will change within the next ten months? He is in early thirties (seriously, he is not 12 and clueless) and, let me tell you, people usually know pretty well what they want by this age.

I don’t think Bob loves and respects you, Lisa. I am really sorry to say that but he doesn’t plan your future together. It sounds awful, I know. I believe that when you love your partner, you will sit down and find a comprise that works for both of you.

By the way, if you know his social security number, and you should know it if from doing his taxes, pull his free credit report and, I can bet, you will see there things that you have not imagined.

But enough of my opinions already. AKS readers always have a lot of  insightful opinions, magnificent advice and a lot of support to offer.

Let’s talk it out with my readers!

Introducing Talk It Out and Aloysa’s Reading Picks

Please make sure to check out my staff writer post at Beating Broke, What Our Chinese Guides Taught Us About Pragmatic Consumerism.

I came up with an idea for a new series TALK IT OUT: Money and Relationships. This series will be all about money, relationships and our lives.

Money can bless a relationship or curse it. Am I wrong? Let’s put it this way: money does affect relationships. Anyone disagrees? Is she a compulsive spender? Is he a frugal saver but she is a gold digger? I am sure you have plenty to say, so let’s talk it out!

If you like discussing money and relationships, if you have something to say or to ask, if you have a personal story to share, a personal experience to talk about, if  you want to be heard and if you want to see what others have to say then email me.

How It Works:

1. You tell me your story through email. If you decide to stay anonymous, let me know. If you don’t care, so be it.

2. I will read what you have to say, and let you know when your story, experience or a question will be heard, shared and answered.

3. If you want to ask Aloysa a question about Beaker, our relationship with each other and our not so simple relationship with money, please do so! We promise to respond.

4. Twice a month my readers and I will discuss, brainstorm and share our own experiences with you. Payroll Tax Holiday: Why Most People Will Get A Raise In 2011 @

What You Get Out Of It:

1. You vent, you confess, you rant, you rave, you share, you cry, you laugh. You spill it all.

2. Your opinions will be respected. Your questions will be answered. Your experiences will be appreciated.

3.  If you decide NOT to stay anonymous, I will gladly promote your blog.

Bonus:

You get to know my readers and me, Aloysa!

Do you like the idea? Then PLEASE SUBMIT WHATEVER YOU WANT TO SUBMIT BY SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 5. THE FIRST TALK IT OUT DISCUSSION WILL TAKE PLACE MONDAY, FEBRUARY 7.

Moving on to Aloysa’s Reading Picks (as usual in no particular order):

Who wants  a free iPad? I do! Win An iPad, Amazon Gift Cards, And A Starbucks Gift Card!! @Buy Like Buffet;

What do you think about plastic bottles? Check out Sustainability Tip #21 Steel vs Plastic @Sustainable Personal Finance;

Did you think the guy in my “gym affair” article was creepy? How about this creepy guy in How I Overcame The Worst Ever Health Club Membership@TransFormX;

Men vs Women in offices, what are your thoughts? Find out reading I’m Not That Kind Of Girl, But I Should Be@Yes, I Am Cheap;

I usually don’t read book reviews that much but this one caught my eye. Book  Review: Your Money or Your Life@Retire By 40;

Do you prefer a hustle and bustle of the city life or tranquility of suburbs? Young Professionals in the City: Will the Allure of the City Break the Bank?@Brokeprofessionals

Ever wondered what it is like to work at a hotel? Heard horror stories and wondered if they are true? Find out readingFaulty Towers vs Reality @I Am The Working Poor;

What are your financial milestones? 20 Financial Milestones for your 20s @Budgeting In The Fun Stuff;

Someone just got a place together! Huge step! Our First Home Together @Invest It Wisely;

I discovered something new while reading The Beardstown Ladies @Money Cone;

Express your opinion about gender equality after reading Gender Equality and Opportunities for Girls Today @Squirrelers;

What if one of you would have to stay home and raise children? When Two Incomes Become One @MomVesting;

Did you think you got an unexpected pay raise when you saw you paycheck in January? Payroll Tax Holiday: Why Most People Will Get A Raise In 2011 @Faithful With A Few;

Saving for the first home but life gets in a way? What are your priorities? First time Home Buyer – Saving for a down payment @Wealth Informatics.